Sometimes You Just Gotta Whine
May 05, 2006Okay! I've been quiet a bit lately. As a person who plays mostly internet poker, I have to say that I'm so frustrated with the game. I've been put on tilt at FullTilt. I've seen stars - and not in a good way - at Hollywood Poker. I've been bested by the best at Poker Stars. I've been thumped at Titan. The list goes on and on and on.
I know...you're thinking. Where's the world's smallest violin? You've got issues, girl. Here's a tissue.
Suck it up. You choose to play internet poker. So, learn to deal with the beats and the defeats. The problem is...I'm a perfectionist. I'm also super competitive. I want to win all the time. I know it's not possible..but I want to. (Sounds childish, I know!)
I just am beginning to wonder if playing internet poker is good for my sanity. It's not just the bad beats. It's not the suckouts. It's the fact that I can't seem to turn myself into a consistent winner. I'm my own worst enemy. I get too emotional. I get to a point where I stop caring about winning until I'm down to almost nada in chips. Then, I care and it's too little too late. I'm busted.
I've broken all the rules. I've donked off chips. I've made poor decisions. I've gotten bored. I'm even writing this article while playing in a free online tourney! I'm starting to wonder if my love affair with poker is over. There are so many bad players out there making so many bad plays. (Now, I'm sounding like Phil Hellmuth - godess forbid!) I do well in my weekly league and in live action events where people make plays that seems to make sense. I play best with players who have some understanding of the game. I think I know the basics - at least.
I spend hours trying to learn new strategies. I try to think about what I'll do before I do. I even sit there and try to figure out what the hell you're holding when I'm not even in a pot. I read the poker books. I watch poker on tv. Heck, I write about it.
Poker is, at times, the worst relationship I've ever had. It's so one-sided. It's all about poker. What does poker really give me in return?
Wait! I love the game. I love the challenge of it. I love the intellect behind it. I love the fact that skill is a factor. I also appreciate that luck comes into play. I can even laugh - sometimes - at the irony that bad luck can undermine skill. However, it just seems that, at times, internet play is too unbalanced. The scales just aren't tipped in our favor.
I'm NOT saying internet poker is rigged. I don't ascribe to those conspiracy theories that some players do. I take full responsibility for the fact that I am not winning consistently. I'm doing something wrong. I haven't cracked this nut yet. I will. Eventually.
But I'm going to take a bit of a break over the summer from the game. My kids will be home. It's a good time to take time off. I'll still write and research and think about the game...but, I just can't take the losing. It's bad for my morale.
If you have any ideas on how I can improve my game - or my attitude - I'd love to hear them. I'm sure I'll change my mind as the days drag on...but, for now, I know I have to revamp, rethink and hopefully revitalize my game. I want to get to the next level - and I can't until I do that.
About the author: Deanna Couras Goodson is the editor/resident blogger at Chicksnchips.com. She's always thinking about the game. Writing about it. Playing it. Please help her. (Hehe!) She can be reached at editor @ chicksnchips.com (just remove the spaces).
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