Deanna's Rants - Why poker means so much to me!
February 21, 2006 -
Since I got sick with Fibromyalgia in 2001, poker has become a mainstay in my life. Fibromyalgia, for those of you who don't know is a chronic pain disorder that is categorized by extreme fatigue. There's a boat-load of symptoms to this disease. I won't go into them here. If you want to know more, I'd suggest checking out Bellaonline. I used to write for them and know that they have fantastic information on the subject.
My illness gives me good days but more bad days. There are days - and today is one of them - where even my teeth and hair hurt. I want to take a hammer to parts of my body because if I hit 'em with a hammer, I'd feel better than I do right now. It's that intense.
When I lost the use of my wrists, poker - which I used to play as a kid - in the form of televised events such as the WPT (World Poker Tour), WSOP (World Series of Poker) and Celebrity Poker Showdown, gave me something else to do with my mind than dwell on my pain. When I went back and forth to doctors who didn't know what I had and told me - a young mother who was barely 30 with two small children - that I had to be tested for diseases that were potentially fatal, I had poker to turn to. (NOTE: Fibromyalgia is a disease that has no diagnostics. You basically have to be tested for everything else before you get the diagnosis. I was tested for cancer, lupus, rheumatoid arthritis and many other diseases while waiting to discover if I had Fibro or not! It was a scary time in my life - and one I would not wish on anyone!)
When I play poker, I can put aside the fear and the pain and even the SHAME of being sick. I wasn't supposed to GET SICK. NOT ME. I used to be so strong. Never sick. Never a quitter. NOT ME.
My body is quitting on me. Some days, it's too pooped for anything; but, poker gives me a purpose just as my young family does. I may not be able to run and dance like I used to. I may not be able to type as fast as I used to. I may not be able to succeed in corporate America or in academia; but, I can succeed in poker.
Poker doesn't care if I'm sick. Poker doesn't care if I've gained weight (and I have). Poker doesn't care if I'm a woman. Poker doesn't care if I am wearing makeup or dressed 'professionally' today.
Poker is a great equalizer. You get by on your skill and a wee bit of luck. I still have my wits and this game has given me hope that I can achieve some lofty goals, despite my limitations. I may end up in a wheelchair before I'm 40 - BUT I'm going to fight it. I may have gained weight; but, I'm fighting that too. Poker and my young family give me the strength to fight fibromyalgia. They're my passions - and well, that's why I love poker.
It's my passion. I'll say it again! It doesn't care if I'm too sick to do anything more than hit the keys on my computer. Poker accepts me as I am. It keeps my mind sharp when I can't even remember where I put my car keys... It helps me dream of a future where I can win the WSOP and reach the highest heights with my wits because I can't do it with my body. I study poker like I used to study medieval history (I was working to receive a research grant and attend graduate school in the hopes of being a professor)...and someday, I know I'll be at the top of my game. I want it that badly and am willing to do what it takes to get there!
I love poker because it's been there for me during some difficult times and has shown me that I can still do what the 'BIG BOYS and GIRLS' do even if I can't get out of bed somedays.
So, I wonder - why do you love poker? Why are you so passionate about it? Why not tell me? Send me your stories at editor @ chicksnchips.com. Who knows? I may just feature you here at this web site - with your permission, of course!!!
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